slow down you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile.

i am 5 days and 4 finals away from summer. until i start work, every morning i am going to run and then lay out on my porch and tan and i can't wait. i really will miss being here though, i'll get over it.

i'm super stressed with everything that's been going on. i can't concentrate on my finals because my mind is somewhere else. this boy of course. we've had a crush on each other all year and we've found ourselves meeting up off and on during drunken nights and hooking up. really just mindless but not emotionless. the other night i went to his place and we just laid in bed in the dark and talked and it was just really nice. it showed a different side that i didn't think he had or wanted me to know about. he must be more serious about this than i thought he was because after i left he said his friends and their girlfriends wanted to see me on facebook. so obviously he had to have brought me up. i guess that's good? 

downside, school ends in 5 days to fuck, i need to stop getting attached so easily. 

i can't study for government anymore. i'm going to have a cigarette.

you already know.

i've been having to be super sneaky lately. it's fun but at the same time stressful and complicated. i only have five more days left here at school so i think i can keep it up for that much longer. 

weird that i only have five days left of my freshman year in college. i actually feel kind of old.

i'm going outside to lay in the sun i'll continue this later with some real substance.

carousel.

this week and then next week then i'm done. my first year of college is over.

i don't want to get sappy about it because i've been fighting with this place since i got here.

but today i realized i might miss it a little bit.

whatever i'm terribly sick, i need a job, i have so much studying to do.

it will be a miracle if i live til next friday.