focus on what's next.

my week is finally winding down! so so sooo happy! spring break starts tomorrow and i am very much looking forward to it. i'm glad all my tests for the week are finished and i have no more worries until march 10th again. i am studying some spanish right now though but i'm not too worried about it. after i'm done doing some homework i am packing up my stuff for the week and then heading out for the evening to my friends apt. 

tomorrow i have class at 11 and 1. that i am not looking forward to.

saturday will be wonderful. the end.

it's in me to want it all.

i've been studying for american government for literally what feels like forever. i'm thankful the test is tomorrow and i can have it done and over with. i'm excited to go out tomorrow night and get sloshed and then excited to be done on friday. after i'm done studying i need to pack, pack, pack! i'm a bit annoyed that i have to stay home friday night since my car has to go in for inspection on saturday morning. but then saturday night i'm going to downingtown!! boy!!! hopefully more in the mornings and amazings next week.

so can i ask you about the sleepless nights,

the cold shoulders-never returning phone calls,

constantly questioning our chemistry,

the look i'm used to you having,

you hold back all you feel,

and i expect this to come back to me.

in the morning and amazing.

i've been feeling really kind of lost lately. during the week i bury myself in school work so that i'm distracted and don't think about how lonely i really am. friday comes and i'm free again. spring break starts this friday so i'll be galavanting for the next week and a half. i want to have adventures. plus i'm really starting to get annoyed with my roommate so i'm happy i won't have to sleep in the same room with her for a while.

my weekend was fantastic. i layed in bed for 3 days with a fantastic guy. watched movies, drank beer, smoked cigarettes, loved life. things are getting better i think. i feel better atleast. i really do think that someone who makes me feel better is what i need all the time. it may not be the same person all the time and that's what bothers me. i know this will eventually end and he won't be the one who makes me happy anymore. i'll try not to think about that. all i think about now is the feeling i had waking up on monday morning at 11 am in his bed with him next to me, with the sunlight streaming in and the breeze blowing the curtains. everything was calm and everything was exactly how it should have been.

blink 182.

i haven't been happy lately. there are things that make me happy but shouldn't, this makes me even more unhappy. oh well blink 182 is reunited that has made me happy today.